Netflix nailed it with The Roast of Tom Brady, the comedy event of the year, and something that is likely to stay in the news cycle for a few days.
This morning I released a bonus episode of the Daily Comedy News podcast, The below is mostly the transcript of today’s program. Please note the content is a little naughtier than usual, although I have swapped in some equivalent words where the comedians swore. Also note that it’s a transcript, so the tone is that of spoken word, not a finely crafted written piece.
Wow! I mean, wow, The Roast of Tom Brady. What keeps going through my head was the Super Bowl of Comedy.
Where do we start? Kevin Hart, man, crushed it. On previous podcasts, I have said that I don't find Kevin Hart all that funny. Sunday night, Kevin Hart, you were awesomely funny! He's slayed as far as I'm concerned. Let him host all of these from now on.
Kevin opened saying they were there to roast the greatest quarterback of all time and said, “ ..wait Joe Montana's here?”
“I've never seen Inglewood so white. It's so bleep and white in here. It looks like a Bruce Springsteen concert just let out.”
Kevin joked about why they were doing it in the Forum and not the Crypto com arena.
“We didn't go there is we didn't want to remind Tom's fans of how much money he owes them.”
But the joke I kept misquoting to my wife which really stuck with me:
“Single life is what you deserve because you had no choice. Giselle said, you retire, or we're done Let me tell you something, when you got a chance to go 8 and 9 and all it'll cost you is your wife and kids, you gotta do what you gotta do. You know what that's called, Tom? That's called real stuff. F them, kids.
Wow.
Kevin crushes, passes over to Jeff Ross. Ross walks out in an O. J. Simpson jersey that said, roast J. Simpson, number 32. Jeff Ross, a pro at this, the roast master, right? He crushes and we're 2 for 2 in hilarious
Next up was Drew Bledsoe. Drew Bledsoe, the quarterback of the Patriots before Tom Brady,
He was really good. I assume Jeff Ross and the writers wrote Drew's material, but he executed it really well. And as the night went on, and we had other non comedians performing, it really showed what a good performer Drew Bledsoe was.
Nikki Glaser got up, and I wrote in my notes that the first few minutes it sounded like she was executing someone else's material, they just sounded to my ear like Jeff Ross jokes.
But then Nikki got in the groove and got some of the best reactions of the night.
One of her slays, “Seriously, Tom, you're the best to ever play……… for too long.
You retired, you came back, then you retired again. I get it. It's hard to walk away from something that's not your pregnant girlfriend.
,Hey, to be fair, he didn't know she was pregnant. He just thought she was getting fat.”
Wow.
Next up, Randy Moss, wide receiver. That was the first lull of the night. Okay. We understand. He’s not a comic.
Kim Kardashian got up. She was booed. She added nothing. She sounded like she was executing Jeff Ross jokes, which makes sense.
Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura got up together and had really uncomfortable energy They were doing that side to side rock that you'll see high schoolers do when they're on a stage in front of their classmates.
Segura landed some jokes, but Bert Kreischer ate it, as they say in the business. I don't know what was going on there. Sam Jay was, eh, alright, I actually wrote, time to get the ball back to Kevin Hart as there started to be a lull.
Will Ferrell came out as Ron Burgundy. As I wrote on Facebook, Will Ferrell has been coasting on reputation for over a decade now. Will was not funny to the point that I wrote in my notes, Bill Belichick was funnier than Will Ferrell. Bill had strong material, whoever wrote it, he just wasn't that good at delivering it.
What a nice spotlight for Tony Hinchcliffe. If you don't know Tony and Kill Tony, you're going to now. This probably really elevated that whole thing. He crushed. They did a bit of Kill Tony called Kill Tommy. They pulled a name out of the hat. There was only one name in the hat, Dana White from the UFC. Dana was pretty tight in his 60 seconds.
Tony is facing backlash over a joke about Kim Kardashian in per the New York Post.
As the New York Post points out, “Hinchcliffe, known for incel comedy, was discussing the Will Ferrell movie Anchorman and its famous whale's vagina line.”
Tony joked, “A whale's vagina…… which reminds me Kim Kardashian's here.”
Gronk got up and had some okay material/ I wrote working too fast, but he's alsonot a comic.
Andrew Schulz then crushed, showing what a pro can do. Very fun, great pacing.
Patriots owner Robert Kraft spoke, didn't really make too many jokes.
Ben Affleck was Awful. .
Affleck was really boring. I actually Facebook posted, Give Affleck the light. The light being the thing they do in the back of a comedy club telling a comedian it's time to wrap it up.
After Affleck's set, Jeff Ross joked, “This is the only time I wish Netflix had commercials.” .
Peyton Manning got up and had some good material. He too worked his material too quickly - but he is not a comedian.
Then Tom Brady himself got up Brady with the delivery of a high school valedictorian but the material was pretty good.
Tom’s shot back at his roasters:
Peyton Manning, thank you so much for coming out to L. A. to do this. I know you sometimes live in Denver and sometimes you live in Louisiana, but you'll always live in my shadow.
On Kevin Hart, I've heard some people talk about me having bad knees, my knees are so messed up, Kevin, because I spent so many hours on the floor begging Netflix to get Chappelle to host this.
Good rip on Kim. Thank you so much for being here. I know Kim was terrified to be here tonight. Not because of this, but because her kids are home with their dad. (Kanye West)
Tom made big NFL news that I'm sure is going to be quite analyzed. He said, “Remember deflate gate, the NFL spent $20 million and found it was more probable than not that I was generally aware that someone may have deflated my footballs. You could have just given me the $20 million than I would've just told you I f-ing did it.”
I'm skimming my notes here to see what I missed……
….a good one from Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer. I forget which one of them said this joke, but the line was the only difference between Tom Brady and Hitler is that Hitler stuck with his wife until the end. Ouch. That's great.
Oh, here's the Dana White joke from Andrew Schultz.
That's why Dana White is here. So you can learn how to screw a Brazilian out of half their purse.
…
There was a weird moment that's going to be talked about a lot.
Jeff Ross had made a reference to Patriots owner Robert Kraft getting a massage. Brady walked up to Ross and said in his ear, “Don't say that (stuff) again”. It was caught on the microphone and it was awkward.
I'm sure someone will dive into that and I imagine the spin will be that Tom was kidding. Some people thought we were going to have a Will Smith moment. That would have been amazing because that moment was, I don't know, Fifteen minutes in? That would have been great to see a Will Smith moment and then two and a half hours of awkwardness.
….
Netflix had a great weekend.
I was all jazzed to watch Katt Williams
It was okay.
I don't know what I was looking for out of Katt. Maybe I just wanted him to just tear everybody down. He didn't really do that.
I did find him really compelling. I was definitely entertained. He's an entertainer. I'm not sure how funny the special was. And as I watched it, I noticed Katt sets up jokes for 45 seconds and gets an OK punch line. It's more style than laughs, but I do enjoy watching him. I did add it to my best of 2024 list, which right now is:
1. Roast of Tom Brady (Netflix)
2. Dave Atttell - Hot Cross Buns (Netflix)
3. Triumph The Insult Comic Dog - You Lucky Bastards (Youtube)
4. David Cross - Worst Daddy in the World (Youtube)
5. Dusty Slay - Workin’ Man (Netflix)
6. Kyle Kinane - Dirt Nap (Youtube)
7. Demitri Martin (Netflix)
8. Jimmy Carr - Natural Born Killer (Netflix)
9. Katt Williams - Woke Folk (Netflix)
10. Hannah Gadsby - (Netflix)
…
I watched the Pop Tarts movie, Unfrosted. I loved it. Actually, I need to add that to the list. That was really good as well. Really enjoyable.
I like a movie that knows what it is, and that movie knows what it is. It's silly. Turn your brain off. Nothing there is real. It's just a lot of fun. There's some amazing cameos.
I loved Hugh Grant in it. I felt he was chewing the scenery, reminding me of Ricardo Montalban in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Just a great performance, having fun, over the top. Unfrosted, high recommend. I know on the podcast that went out earlier on Monday, I had read a bunch of terrible reviews. I disagree with all of them.
I think Unfrosted nailed it. In tone, it reminds me of Weird,: the Al Yankovic story (Roku Channel). Just a fun romp. One hour 36 minutes, which by the way is the perfect length for any movie
The other thing I watched was John Mulaney on Friday night. I wrote at length about that here.
I hope somebody at Netflix read my substack and took my notes. I'll be very curious to see what Mulaney does tonight. Tonight's main guest, is Jon Stewart. As I wrote on the sub stack, Johnny Carson would shut up and let his guests be funny. That's all you have to do. Hey, here's Jon Stewart!!!!!
Jon, are you watching the Trump Stormy Daniels trial?
And then stop talking.
That's all you gotta do.
A reminder that all my substacks come with a typo no matter how many times I proofread them. You can make fun of me in the comments.