The 80's called. We'd like Howard Stern back.

The great Stern vs. Seinfeld war we've been robbed of!

I’m from the 1980s. WNBC-AM listener.

One day a man named Howard Stern started doing afternoons. He was funny. I kept listening.

He got fired. I followed him to K-Rock afternoons. Then on to mornings, when they still made hm do traffic reports for a while.

I’d get up and hit record on a cassette while I showered and shaved. Then I’d listen to the live show (praying he didn’t take a 14 minute commercial break) on my commute until the 7 Train went underground at which point I’d go back and listen to the 6:30am half hour I’d recorded on my cassette.

As my career evolved, I found myself producing John Gambling, the guy that Howard used to make fun of as Howard was in the process of taking over from the Gamblings as the King Of New York Morning Radio.

I loved the War With Bon Jovi, which spilled into a feud with Sam Kinison.

There was the saga of Philadelphia “zookeeper” John DeBella.

Piling on Jackie day after day. Killing Gary (you know, the producer so inept that Howard has kept him for 4 decades). Horrible bosses. The FCC. All of it. Taking on The Man!

Howard. One word. Up there in the One Word Pantheon with people like Bruce or Johnny. Even Howard Cosell wasn’t “Howard.”

In 2005, I got what I consider to be the compliment of my career when Howard told me my Sirius Raw Dog channel sounded great. Really great.

Now I find myself quite older, living in the distant future of the 2020s and I kinda want My Howard Stern back.

ICYMI, Jerry Seinfeld went out of his way to apologize to Howard recently.

Jerry was on a podcast with Dana Carvey and David Spade and said,

"Howard Stern invented this, right? But we’re better than him now," Seinfeld said. "Because Howard is interesting. Howard is a great interviewer. But you know, comedy chops, I mean... Can we speak candidly?"

“….But let’s face it, (Howard)’s been outflanked by some very, and yourselves, I mean absolutely, this show, comedy podcasts? This is the best one on the air. Because you guys play nice together. It’s smooth. You’re not jumping on each other, which is annoying to listen to,”

Jerry soon cleaned that up, telling TMZ, “I really feel bad for what I said about my friend Howard Stern in a conversation with David Spade and Dana Carvey, talking about the glut of comedy podcasts,” There was some spin about meaning to say “surrounded” instead of outflanked.

Howard has responded!

Is Howard going to war with Jerry? Is Howard going to bury Jerry like he’s done to so many before?

Nope.

The King Of All Media Except Podcasting didn’t even want an on-air apology.

What? No on-air apology?

Howard, you’re NOT gonna drag this out for three weeks?

You aren’t going to role-play that Gary had better get Jerry in here, with daily updates on Gary’s attempts to reach out?

No teaser where we hear Jerry is coming in at the end of the third week?

No payoff of Jerry coming in to apologize after making the audience rabid for almost month?

Howard 2024 said, “Jerry, you don’t even have to. Please. This is embarrassing. I’m the king of going on the air and having millions of regrets afterward.

But..but…storyline…drama…three weeks of half-assed Jerry Seinfeld impressions….

“Apology accepted, I don’t care, and you know what? If I’m not a comedian, I’m an interviewer, I don’t know what I am. I always considered myself a bit of a comedian, but whatever it is, don’t worry about it.”

Oh…there you have it. The answer. Did you miss it? Let me run the tape back.

I’m an interviewer.

That’s Third Act Howard speaking.

The last several years have been about disappearing the past, framing Howard’s career as The Great Interviewer.

I’m not here to litigate the more colorful details of Howard’s career. I was there, and I laughed at all of it. To tell you that I didn’t laugh would be quote hypocritical. I wish more of it were available online.

I get it Howard. I get that you don’t want your obit to be something like the below (as written by ChatGPT)

Howard Stern, Pioneering Radio Personality and Media Mogul, Dies at XX

[City], [Date] – Howard Stern, the influential and often controversial radio personality, has died at the age of XX. Stern, known for revolutionizing the radio industry with his bold, unfiltered style, leaves behind a legacy that transformed the landscape of talk radio and media.

Born on January 12, 1954, Stern's career began in the 1970s when he worked at several radio stations before finding his voice and unique style. It was in the mid-1980s that Stern's career truly took off when he joined WNBC in New York City. However, it was his tenure at WXRK, where he launched "The Howard Stern Show," that solidified his status as the "King of All Media."

Stern's show, characterized by its candid discussions, celebrity interviews, and controversial topics, quickly gained a massive following, making him one of the highest-paid radio hosts in history. His approach broke numerous boundaries in broadcasting, earning him both ardent fans and fierce critics. Stern's willingness to push the envelope led to numerous fines and clashes with the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), but it also cemented his place as a trailblazer who expanded the limits of free speech on the airwaves.

In 2006, Stern made a groundbreaking move to satellite radio, signing a historic deal with Sirius.. This transition not only brought him financial success but also allowed him greater creative freedom, unencumbered by FCC regulations. Stern's presence on satellite radio continued to thrive, attracting millions of subscribers and further solidifying his influence in the media world.

Beyond radio, Stern's impact extended to television, books, and film. He hosted television shows, authored best-selling books such as "Private Parts" and "Miss America," and even starred in a biographical film adaptation of "Private Parts," which was both a critical and commercial success.

Howard Stern's contributions to media were recognized with numerous awards and honors, including inductions into the National Radio Hall of Fame and the Broadcasting and Cable Hall of Fame. Despite his often polarizing persona, Stern's influence on the industry is undeniable, having paved the way for a new generation of broadcasters who embrace authenticity and challenge conventional norms.

Stern is survived by his wife, Beth Ostrosky Stern, and his three daughters from his first marriage. His family, friends, and countless fans remember him as a transformative figure whose bold approach to broadcasting forever changed the landscape of American media.

That’s actually a pretty good job by the AI, and it leaves out words like “Dial a Date” and “Sybian” (DON’T look that word up if you don’t know what it means) so Howard 2024 is likely pleased. Heck, it didn’t even use the words SHOCK JOCK. Howard, you may have actually pulled of the reframing.

I guess one of us is still stuck in 1985 and it’s me. Seems like Howard matured, and I just want an old fashioned rodeo because at heart I’m 15 years old.

And, ya know…. maybe we’re both right.